The Daunting Task Lies Ahead

Happy but sad. Tired yet full of life. Wanting to do something but not knowing what. Trying to do something nice but getting torn apart for doing it. There's a whole spectrum out there of feelings I have and right now, not knowing what to do to straighten it out.

I look unto thee

and find happiness and delight

and yet it fills me with sadness and fright

One minute it's there, the next, it's not. 

The rapid changing to times and feelings

One cannot say if it is from thy greetings

Tear me apart causing an empty soul.

Shred me until there is nothing left.

Why when I am with thee I feel content?

Then then parting rips me.

The separation lets me know why I need to stay away

But the desire to draw closer looms always near.

I want my own life

And yet it seems to difficult to form,

make it defined and stable. The Dream

will always haunt me

Until I figure out 

Me

I am there to help thee.

Thy welfare my preoccupation

I want thee to be happy

Along with the rest of my friends, families and acquaintances

I just want everybody to be happy

Some I put more effort into

Others, I leave alone to help

But there is another I think of

And I desire the same things

But being in her presence does not procure desires

and being away from her sorrow

There are good feelings with her presence and 

being without does not hinder my progression

I am nervous around her. Why? I don't want to look like

the Court Jester or Fool?

A menacing presence or mysterious and creepy

I just want to be me

But what is me?

Self-confidence comes from inside

From seeing achievements

and accepting downfalls

But I cannot accept my faults.

There is no mercy I let myself have

When I keep on making the same mistake

over and over and over and over and over

etc.

It's almost too much

But there is improvement

There can be light at the end of the tunnel

Oh Savior wilt thou be my stay

My guide

My friend

I have not always recognized thy hand

But from now on I will take it

Thy will and not mine be done.

O Lord, give me the strength to overcome

my Weaknesses and Faults.

Help me to conquer temptation

My friends stand beside me

And try to help and guide me

My family is my strength

To them I will turn

And to thee Lord will I trust

Amen.