The Daunting Task Lies Ahead

Happy but sad. Tired yet full of life. Wanting to do something but not knowing what. Trying to do something nice but getting torn apart for doing it. There's a whole spectrum out there of feelings I have and right now, not knowing what to do to straighten it out.

I look unto thee

and find happiness and delight

and yet it fills me with sadness and fright

One minute it's there, the next, it's not. 

The rapid changing to times and feelings

One cannot say if it is from thy greetings

Tear me apart causing an empty soul.

Shred me until there is nothing left.

Why when I am with thee I feel content?

Then then parting rips me.

The separation lets me know why I need to stay away

But the desire to draw closer looms always near.

I want my own life

And yet it seems to difficult to form,

make it defined and stable. The Dream

will always haunt me

Until I figure out 

Me

I am there to help thee.

Thy welfare my preoccupation

I want thee to be happy

Along with the rest of my friends, families and acquaintances

I just want everybody to be happy

Some I put more effort into

Others, I leave alone to help

But there is another I think of

And I desire the same things

But being in her presence does not procure desires

and being away from her sorrow

There are good feelings with her presence and 

being without does not hinder my progression

I am nervous around her. Why? I don't want to look like

the Court Jester or Fool?

A menacing presence or mysterious and creepy

I just want to be me

But what is me?

Self-confidence comes from inside

From seeing achievements

and accepting downfalls

But I cannot accept my faults.

There is no mercy I let myself have

When I keep on making the same mistake

over and over and over and over and over

etc.

It's almost too much

But there is improvement

There can be light at the end of the tunnel

Oh Savior wilt thou be my stay

My guide

My friend

I have not always recognized thy hand

But from now on I will take it

Thy will and not mine be done.

O Lord, give me the strength to overcome

my Weaknesses and Faults.

Help me to conquer temptation

My friends stand beside me

And try to help and guide me

My family is my strength

To them I will turn

And to thee Lord will I trust

Amen. 

It has been three and a half months already

It's hard to believe that the semester is already over with finals starting today.

Getting used to normal life again was easier than I thought but quite different at the same time. I still find it a bit uncomfortable to carry on conversations (especially with the opposite sex) but I've never been really good at that. That's always something I can work on.

I am still working at not getting distracted as much. There seems so much to offer at the tip of my fingers. With my iPod iTouch I can do almost everything a computer can... Except write my essays. I am even writing this post on my iPod. It's really easy to check Facebook, play a game, check the news, or whatever instead of doing the task at hand. I need to put a limitation on these things and resist the urge to do them so often.

I guess that's what life is a little bit - finding some balance between the stuff you like to do and the stuff you need to do. You can't let one rule the other. These three months could be a characterization of my future. I wouldn't like that... I am so imperfect and so far from my expectations of where I think I should be it's not even cool. I spent like ten minutes looking for a scripture I should have known off the bat. But that's why we change! I would say almost nothing is set in stone (sorry Tim and Chelsea) because of this wonderful ability to change. You don't like it? Don't do it. Of course it is much easier to say than to do, but since when has anything easy ever been worth it.

That is why I need to branch out more and get out of my bubble. Nothing that needs to happen is going to if I just stick with the comfortable. I need to get out and about and stretch my abilities and personality. I'll always be boring if I do nothing. Life is a bunch of trials and errors. If you make a mistake, so what? Repent if needs be, make it right and move on. There's no need to let it keep you down.

The most important thing is to keep your trust firmly in God and our Savior Jesus Christ. Think about them throughout the day. Read the scriptures, ponder your relationship with Deity. Now I need to take this advice as much as the person next to me and yet I know it is the right thing to do. Even at 3:30 in the morning we need to realize our dependence upon the Father and His desires to help is grow and become stronger and more faithful. You will never learn if you don't try - now don't go and sin on purpose! That will teach you absolutely nothing except that it was a bad idea. But get out of your comfort levels, do something new. Or at least, break up the monotony of daily living. Do something for fun. I am. :)

That's all for this insomnia report. Until next time!

Insomnia - The wonderful gift of extra time

The impossible conundrum - Being super tired and yet unable to sleep. It's not like I am overly worried about anything. I'm not even sure why I am still awake. I have been laying here for hours but I am and so I am going to try to use my time a bit productively.

Weekend report: Friday night I drove up to South Jordan (or west...) and went to a mission reunion with President Argyle. That was really awesome to see and speak with him and Sister Argyle and some of the missionaries I met in Argentina. We did a session in the Orqurrh (spelling) Mountain Temple which was really, really beautiful. I left there at midnight and got back to the Y around 12:30. What? There was no traffic!!! ;)

Saturday was fun. I wrote most of a paper in the afternoon trying to imitate the style of Virginia Wolfe and "The Mark On The Wall" which I think turned out to be quite good. I went to dinner, a dance concert, ate ice cream and enjoyed the night with a lovely young lady and enjoyed the night immensely - the entertainment and the date. Both were amazing.

Sunday was a good day. I woke up around 8 and 9 or so and spent the morning chatting with David. That's always fun telling him about my weird dreams and stuff. Then I had a chat with the Stake Presidency to renew my temple recommend. (A new way think about CTR as an RM is Current Temple Recommend. If you have one it is pretty difficult to stray if you are living worthy of it.) Church was excellent and we talked a lot about the Resurrection and the Blessings of the Atonement. How blessed we are to be able to repent and change. It is something I am more grateful for every day. It is unimaginable for me to not be able to repent - and our Wonderful older brother has performed the sacrifice where He has taken the terms of Justice into His own Hands and only asks me to believe in Him, to repent, be baptized, receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and Endure to the end. He is ever patient with me and my mistakes and is there to guide me back to Him and Father again with my Eternal family. I am so grateful towards Him!

"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me. Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me. I tremble to know that for me He was crucified. That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died. I marvel that he would descend from his throne divine
To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine, That he should extend his great love unto such as I, Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify. I think of his hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt! Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget? No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,
Until at the glorified throne I kneel at his feet. Oh, it is wonderful that he should care for me Enough to die for me!
Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!" - Hymn #193 I Stand All Amazed

Well that's it for now. Goodnight to all and to all a Goodnight.

Mike

Spring is not about flowers. It's about baseball.

Wow. Up an down and all around. Things are crazy but good. School is going well, not the best but well enough.

I finally declared my major, Economics. I am super happy about that. It's actually quite interesting how I finally decided. So I've actually been thinking about it for a while but I wasn't sure. Then at a Sunday devotional the speaker was talking about teaching and I thought about what I would teach. The first thing that came was Economics followed by a strong confirmation that what I was supposed to do. So here I am. For now, of course.

Final papers and finals are looming overhead. I am actually not too worried, but I figure it will come soon enough.

There is a baseball game tonight and I am stoked!!! It will be my first since coming home from Argentina!!! I am going with Dave and a guy from my weightlifting class so it should be a blast! :)

This weekend is going to be filled to the brim. I have a mission reunion tomorrow, maté and a hot date to the ballroom concert Saturday, Easter Sunday. And then whatever homework I can (choose) to get done.

Things are going a ton better. I still have some thoughts/dreams that remind me of recent events but now they are not so troubling; just make me think and be confused for a bit.