What a relief it is to be home. The smells, the sights, the people. It's only been 5 days but its been what I've needed.
As I've been home, I've been a lot more relaxed and things have been going a lot slower. This has really given me time to reflect. And feel.
I was able to hang out with a great friend Thursday night and we got to go to 5 guys and watch Iron Man 3. 5 guys was alright and Iron Man 3 was pretty good. Throughout the night my mind kept turning back to Carmody. Small things, like a smile, a picture, a memory, the view of an ICU room, saturated fats, church meetings. It seems like everywhere I look or everything I think about has a link to her. I bet the people that have been around me are kind of sick of me talking about her. But that's all that has been on my mind. Everything comes back to her. I can't think about what's in front of me or what I have to do. It's kind of debilitating. But I am so glad I'm at home where I can do this. Be lethargic and all. I don't know.
I'm working on getting a good schedule running. Maybe that will help. Exercise, scripture study, being with family. Normal sleep schedule. We'll see how it goes. Fact of the matter is, I'm glad to be home and have the chance to do this at the speed I need, not what the world, university or others need me to be at. I can do this for me.
Not a very exciting blog post. It's not very fun relapsing and experiencing this kind of pain all over again, but it's happening. And I'll get through it.
