If you ask me about the New Star Wars, be prepared for my answer

Today marks the end of my first semester of the Junior Core of the Information Systems program in the Marriott School of Business at BYU. As insane as it has been, I have certainly learned a lot and am very grateful for all the help and support I've gotten from friends and family, and especially my wife Janesa and my IS Group.

However, today is not one to talk about this topic. Since Disney has bought Lucasfilm and all the rights of Star Wars, they plan on making a new trilogy that has mesmerized and enchanted millions of people.

Friends and family have asked me if I am excited for the new Star Wars. I debate with myself of how truthful of an answer I will give them. For those who know me well, I can talk about Star Wars a great deal if you let me get on a roll as it was my babysitter for my parents for the first couple years of my life. Since then, the passion has grown and flourished.

For the short answer I give to the general public because I don't want to take half an hour explaining to them my true feelings, I say, "Yes, I'm sure it will be a great movie." For those of you who truly know me, you know part of my heart is breaking.

You see, Disney is implementing an alternate timeline. The majority of people who have watched/heard of Star Wars knew of the movies and maybe a video game. Most of them, however, do not know of the solidified story line that authors have built. Since the 80's, video games and books have told the tales of the Expanded Universe (EU). George Lucas said he was never "beholden" (http://www.starwars.com/news/the-legendary-star-wars-expanded-universe-turns-a-new-page)  to the EU and could do what he liked (See Episodes I-III and the Clones Wars Cartoons). I was never really opposed to the prequels because the EU after Return of the Jedi was untouched.

You see, I grew up reading these books. The stories of Luke Skywalker rebuilding the Jedi Order, the children of Han and Leia Solo discovering their Jedi Legacy and their destiny within the Universe. These stories shaped my imagination of the Star Wars Universe. Characters like Kyle Katarn, Jacen and Jaina Solo, Tenel Ka, Lowie, Zeke. I grew up believing in their struggles to be good, to do the right thing. Star Wars has always been a role model for me. Something I could read, envelop myself in, dream of becoming. I knew Star Wars was never "real", but the principles it taught, the lives of the characters and their struggles I could understand, empathize with, and learn from. No,  I would never have the Force or even a lightsaber.

Disney will not follow this universe. They are considered non-canonical and are basically treasures of the past. So when you ask me, am I excited for Star Wars? It will be a great movie and will do a great job entertaining and making billions of dollars. But as for me, it will not be the same Star Wars I know and love. It will be great, but it will never be the same for me.

P.S. - I am still excited to see the movie!
P.P.S. - If you want to see the books I'm talking about, see this link=>   http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_books

On and off

Someone asked me how my blog was going the other day. I told them that I hadn't written in a while. The truth behind the stoppage is that I feel like I'm complaining too much or publicly reminiscing to get attention or anything else you can fit along those lines. I just feel like people are getting tired of me talking about Carmody. No one has said anything but yet it's the vibe I give to myself. Maybe I just psych myself out. It's never my intention to call attention to myself.

But with that, I still feel like that is my only inspiration to write. My muse if you will. It's just that nothing else has given me the motivation to share what I'm feeling. Maybe it's because I don't really feel anything outside of it. What am I going to write about? The annoying EFY kids that play ding dong door ditch on my door? Or how they get stuck in elevators? (The building I live in is our problem child and decides to shut off the elevator from time to time.)

I guess that would work. However, I feel that it would mostly be a log of events rather than heart felt "story" writing. I use the word "story" because I want you, the readers, to connect with it, to understand it, to be able to see where I come from, and if I did it right, go on the journey with me a bit. Nothing I ever write is fictitious or embellished in any way. My intention is that Mike Watson comes out through the words, that you can feel my soul communicating with you rather than just words on a page. That is the true pleasure I gain form being with people. That those around me not see a face, or hear a name, but find a person, vibrant, filled with passions, yearnings, hopes and dreams, fears, flaws and mistakes. A layered onion according to the analogy given in Shrek(not all ogres are horrible and mean).

Wrapping all that into my intro, I feel like my soul is only visible, only found when I talk about two things: the Gospel and Carmody. That at any other time, it is protected, wrapped, taped, glued, bolted and soldered shut. Which I didn't realize consciously until just now. Yeah, I knew I could get really get to be myself when I talk about Carmody. But that just brings hard memories and feelings to deal with and thereafter I shut the floodgates of emotion.

On the other hand, when I can have a sit down conversation of the Gospel with a true seeker of Christ, trying to more fully understand their role in His plan, how they can come closer to Him or in general about The Plan, I get giddy, excited and just want to pull out the scriptures, have every general conference out and just have an elaborate discussion of the Gospel.

How do I escape this trench though? To bare my soul again, to have it open, to be able to make those connections it so deeply desires, yet shudders away at the though. Again, just more questions that I have to answer. But it's ok. I'm alive, I've got work, I'm in school, I'm busy, I've got great friends and family to support me and I'm on my way, riding after that sunset seeking my paradise and my future.

Swept Dreams

There she stands - just as beautiful as she ever was.

"You're back," I state confusedly but with a huge smile on my face. I reach out and embrace her with the intentions of never letting her out of my sight again. "I've missed you so much!" I exclaim, holding back the tears.

We go to church and some girl snapchats me or texts me. She gets this chiseled look in her jaw and I know she's upset and jealous that I would pay attention to another girl and not her. I never would want to make her jealous, but it all the same pleases me that someone cared like that about me again. I pull her aside and tell her, "Look, I've had to put a wall up in my heart to section you off when you died. It's going to take some time for me to take it down. But I'm going to. You're here now and..." beep beep beep beep

Worst. Alarm. Ever.

Experiences like these are hard enough in their own right to deal with while I'm dreaming. I have to counteract all that I was struggling with that a sudden solution has presented itself. Instantly, things CAN be alright again. I don't have to date again. I don't have to try to balance my heart out. She's back and everything's okay. I've got my love back and the world is suddenly right for a moment.

Or not. While in this other state of reality everything is well, not perfect, but almost. My major concerns are solved. Suddenly the stress drains away. The anger, the confusion, the sadness is gone. For a lingering moment. Then when I wake up, it still feels the same. But I know she's not here. I think, however, that I'm still on my dream "high". In a couple more hours, everything will come crashing down again. In a couple more hours, I have to face reality again.

Dreams. In the moment they can be a wonderful bliss. The next it can be all swept away.